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Picture of the Week
Almost done....
Tuesday, May 15th, 2012... No, I am not going to run for President! However, I would like to apologize to one or two of the kids that I picked on in high school. Actually, I can only remember one by name, but I am sure there were more. No, I was not a bully. A bully is one who doesn't stop picking on people. I know I stopped picking on people once I started teaching. Hmmm, I bet a few of my students wouldn't agree with that. Oh, well, such is life. While I am apologizing, I owe my lovely wife one, too. Yes, I lied. I cheated. I said.... I guess I should tell the story from the beginning. Saturday morning, as we were finishing breakfast, Helga made a big groaning sound. Naturally, I said, "What's the matter, Hon?" She replied with a sigh, "Nothing." Sure, I believed that. After several more - Tell me, Tell me, Tell me. She did. She said she wanted to paint the Adirondack chairs using the leftover paint. She is very thrifty. So, I said go ahead and paint them. She said she wasn't in the mood to paint. I laughed to myself because I am never in the mood to paint. So, I thought I would be a good husband, and I offered her a challenge. I grabbed the last page that I had ripped off my daily Yankees desk trivia calendar. Then I said, "Answer this correctly, and I will do the painting. Who was the first player to play at least 500 games for both the Yankees and their rivals, the Red Sox?" She thought for about ten seconds and then gave me the correct answer. I was shocked. I stalled. I pulled a Cousin Vinny and said, "You sure?" She said, "No, but that was the first name that came to me." So, I did the bad thing, and I said, "Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, wrong answer." I quickly left the room and said I was going for my bike ride. BTW, I took the page from the calendar with me. When I got back from my ride, she was just about finished with the two chairs so I asked her if I could get her a bottle of water. I am a gentleman. I then asked her if she would like to help clear my workbench.... She didn't say anything as she gave me a 'dirty' look. So here is the apology - "Helga, I am sorry. Your answer was correct." If she accepts, you will see another rambling next week. One more item in the WHAT DID I LEARN THIS WEEK section - A friend of ours had a bad fall a few weeks ago so we were helping out as much as we could. She was hurting so much that we had to dog-sit Cujo for about ten days. Well, last Thursday, Helga was going food shopping at Harris Teeter's. Thursday is Senior Citizen Discount Day. I told you she was thrifty. She called Tina and asked her if she needed anything. She said, "Cigarettes!" Believe it or not, none of her other friends would buy them for her. Helga did. Now here comes the WHAT I LEARNED part. In the tobacco capital of the USA, a carton of cigarettes cost over $50. I was shocked. Thank God, I don't have that nasty habit any more. What does a carton cost in New Jersey?
Tuesday, May 8th, 2012... Tools, Tools, Tools.... We all use them, but do we take care of them? That is my concern for the week. Let's start with my father, who had a ton of tools. They were kept neatly on shelves and/or hooks in the garage. If I borrowed any, I had to return them to the proper place. He was a stickler on that. Moving on to my son, I just asked him to return my tools to the garage when he took them in the woods to build or do his whatevers. Well, he didn't. In fact, when they built his home 20 years later on the lot next to where he grew up, they found a few of my tools that he said he had returned. Moving on to present day.... My tools right now are a mess. I know I have said this before, but they will be organized by the end of the week. Why are they a mess? Well, my handymen use them more than I do and they just throw them on my 'sloppy' workbench. That I don't mind! However, when my handyman uses my 100' foot extension cord that I keep neatly coiled in a 5-gallon bucket, and he doesn't coil it back up when he finishes - that is a problem. Not for him, but for me. I needed it last Friday to blow the damn leaves and stuff out of the driveway. It took me longer to untangle the cord than to blow the leaves together in a pile. Will I say anything to him? Of course not, I don't want to become my own handyman again. Biking stories.... I have three of them. One, I know, would make a good one for BONDO'S BULL-etin Board. The other one made me angry so I will tell that one this week. I was riding north on the ocean road. There were two riders about three or four blocks in front of me. So I started pedaling faster because I love to pass by folks especially if they are younger than I am. (My friend, Phil C. just thought to himself that everyone is younger than I am.) I was gaining on them. As I neared them, I noticed that their ages were in the 50ish bracket. Don't know what happened, but they started pedaling faster. No problem, I threw my bike in a higher or is it lower gear, and pedaled faster. I was just about ready to pass them and they turned off the ocean road onto a side street. Hmmm, do you think someone told them about my method of escaping from the pro-riders? Finally, let's talk about learning. One is never too old to learn. There is no knowledge that is not valuable. Enough with the clichés. I learned that vegans don't eat cheese, and that I could never be a vegan. I learned that kudzu bugs have made their way to the island and are giving some folks problems. My neighbor, Glenn G., showed them to me two weeks ago. They are all over his railings. We only had one. I hope they don't stay. Did I hear a why? I just read even though they are harmless; they can be a pest in the winter because they head into homes and can cause a home to smell. They are considered stink bugs!
Tuesday, May 1st, 2012... Summer is officially here. I know the calendar says June 20th, but my pool is open so my summer has begun. What does that mean? It means I move my riding time to early in the morning and a few other things that I can't think of right now. Maybe as the day progresses, I will be able to think of more reasons to declare summer is here. And a big YES to the doubting folks out there - I have been in the pool. Not that I wanted to go in, but because Helga made me. She said the pile of leaves in the center of the pool was unsightly. How does she know they are there? She can't see through the solar cover, and then I remembered the powers of the coven. Speaking of the pool reminds me of an email that I received from Larry The Lawman, one of my email pals. He suggested that I add a new section to my web page called BONDO'S BULL-etin BOARD. I thought it was a great idea so I am in the brain-storming mode. Gees, I haven't done any brain-storming since I retired. What is the next step after brain-storming? Hmmm, maybe the drawing board? Nah, I can't draw! I will have to come up with something because I like the idea of changing and/or adding new 'stuff' to my web page. Did I mention that the outside of the house was being painted? Yes, they are almost done. I guess I will know they are finished when they wash the windows and put the storm shields back up. I think having the outside painted might have been more of an ordeal for me and my daily routine than when they painted the inside a few months ago. It is not even a change in routine that bothers me. I think it is their need to come in the house to use the decks so they don't have to set up scaffolding. This coming in-and-out disturbs my reading. They had to use scaffolding on the driveway side because we don't have a deck on that side. I wish we did have one that went all-around the house. I think the grandkids would love running around the entire house when having their water-pistol fights. It would be tough putting a deck on the driveway side unless they have finally invented yellow skyhooks. One last item before I close for the day. I am proud to say that I picked the color for the garage doors. I have not been allowed to pick a paint color since we built our home in New Jersey in 1967. Helga was going to paint the garage doors the same color as the house, a light green. I said she should paint them a reddish-orange. She said NO. My kids said NO. The painters said NO. I won this time. Did someone say - how is that possible? I showed Helga a house by the pier with red doors. I told the painters about the house. Two days later, Helga and I were on our way out, and Amy, one of the painters, had painted one of the garage doors the same color that Helga had picked out for the entry doors. It looked great. Everyone agreed so we now have reddish-orange garage doors. Hmmm, maybe Helga will allow me to pick another color in the next forty-five years.
Tuesday, April 24th, 2012... Next month, in the United States, our colleges will graduate over a million and a half students. I heard that fact over the weekend, and it scared the hell out of me. Will they find work? I hope so because they or their parents paid some big bucks for those diplomas. I, also, heard that only 26% of the 2010 graduates found jobs using the degrees that they earned. One more fact and one more question before I move on. In the fall of 2011, a record 19.7 million students entered American colleges and universities. Should we be sending that many of our children on to higher learning if there are no jobs for them? I took early retirement at 56 to make room for young folks. I guess Charles Cook of Pittford, New York, does not believe in staying retired. He is 92 years old. When he was 70, he started working for the U.S. Postal Service because his doctor told him that he should find a job with a lot of physical activity to extend his life. No, GUYS, I don't need more physical activity. The chores that I do around the house and my bike riding are enough physical activities for me. Speaking of bike riding, I had another close call the other day. Now, I know one of my darling children will not believe this story, but I swear on my e-Book Bible that it is true. I was riding north on the ocean road last Friday, and I checked my rear-view mirror as I always do. Yes, I have to watch out for some crazy drivers and those 'pro' riders who want to pass me. Remember my resolution - no bikers pass me this year. He or she was coming fast - faster than any 'pro' biker that I have seen on the island. I knew I couldn't outrun him or her so I looked ahead for a corner. There was one, but it was almost a block away. I pedaled as fast as I could. I made it. As I turned the corner, I looked back and smiled - at a teeny-bopper on a pink motor scooter. Yes, my resolution is still intact. One more item. It is baseball season. Do your remember the famous words of Jimmy Dugan? "Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!" That was said a long time ago. Well, last week, MLB senior vice president Joe Garagiola Jr. told Indians closer Chris Perez that there is not tweeting in baseball. The Indians pitcher was fined $750 for a "reckless" message on his Twitter account after a benches-clearing incident in Kansas City. You decide if there is no tweeting in baseball. Here is what he tweeted. "Huge team win tonight; time for a sweep to tell the Royals it's not 'Our Time', it's (hash)TribeTime. P.S. You hit us, we hit you. Period."
Tuesday, April 17th, 2012... The kids are gone! All is quiet! Too quiet; however, I hear Aiden playing with one of his friends. It is great to hear the sounds of young people instead of all the old....oops, I don't want to insult most of my friends by calling them names. But hearing Aiden and his friends has given me an idea. I am going to set up a 'hidden' recording system in the dining room area so I can record all the idle remarks and funny stories we tell during and after meals. The recording system is much better than trying to write down everything that is said. And GOD knows, I can't remember 10 percent of the good stuff. I do remember one question that my grandson Justin asked after one of Helga's delicious dinners last week. He asked his grandmother if she had 'sweaty' balls? She looked at me. I don't know why. I haven't had sweaty balls since I retired in 1997. I did give my daughter Diane a puzzled look. Where does a ten-year old learn to talk like that? On the school bus? On the playground? At the Little League Field? Well, here is the rest of the story.... Diane looked at her son and said, "Justin, you know it is not pronounced sweaty balls." Okay, I thought why is she concerned about how to pronounce it. I wanted to know where he learned it so I asked. Diane said that her husband, JL, had told them about a new flavor of ice cream by Ben & Jerry's. Just what I didn't want to hear - a new flavor of my favorite dessert. Thank God, I only eat chocolate. Yes, it is true. Ben & Jerry's has a flavor called Schweddy Balls. The name is derived from a classic "Saturday Night Live" sketch. Would you like the ingredients? It is vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls. Hmmm, I bet I could make that at home, Kiddies. Okay, enough of Schweddy Balls. Let's move on to a story that I read earlier this year. It is about Stacey Irvine, a 17 year-old, who has eaten nothing but McDonald's chicken nuggets for the last 15 years. Now, I don't have anything against McDonald's. I eat there at least once a week. I love their dollar chicken sandwiches. But, Stacey, everyday????? The doctors say that she has an addiction to nuggets. I don't want to tell you what the doctors found wrong with Stacey just because she has never eaten any greens and fruits. Enough.......it just goes to show you that too much of any good thing can get you in the end. Oh, yeah, Helga is getting my lunch - dollar chicken sandwiches and a chocolate milkshake - as soon as I finish this rambling.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012... Surprises! Surprises! What was the best surprise that you ever had in your life. I would say that we have all experienced many surprises that we can't recall at the drop of a hat. AND - the older one gets - it becomes even more difficult to remember them. I can recall one when I was about 8 years old. I came downstairs on Christmas morning, and I saw a brand new bike in front of the Christmas tree. I am sure there are others, but that one stands out even to this day. I am sure the next ones that I talk about will stay with us for a long time, too. This weekend my wife and I both had 'truly' great surprises. There were two of them. The first one I knew about, but Helga did not. Diane, our youngest, was driving down for Spring Break with her two sons, Justin and Brady. A little after 1 am Friday morning, she pulled into our driveway. She had called us as she was approaching the Swing Bridge so we went downstairs to wait for her. Helga's surprise was seeing our other daughter, Sue, sitting in the front seat. Helga had no idea that Sue was coming. Yes, what a great surprise for her. What could be better? Yes, I know I have three children so having Rip and his family here would be better. Well, guess what. Saturday morning, we were sitting at the breakfast table enjoying that quality time that my kids love. The doorbell rings. I looked at the door and I could not see anyone standing there so I thought someone had delivered a package. I opened the door and looked at the driveway and there sat my son's car. I looked to my right and there stood my son's family except for my oldest grandson. I was speechless. I can't even remember my first words. For me to be speechless is a momentous event. Seeing all of them was truly a surprise. Neither one of us had any idea they were coming. What a great surprise! What could be better? Yup, you guessed it......if Di's husband, JL, didn't have to work and if Nic, our oldest grandchild, didn't have baseball games over Spring Break. WE had a great day!!! Okay, one last item before I end for the week. Vitamin B6 is the latest, hot supplement, and believe it or not, it is not one of the 16 pills that I take daily. However, if what I read about it is true, I may soon add it to my list. According to a new study, vitamin B-6 not only gives people more vivid dreams but also helps in recalling them the next morning. There is only one problem with it as far as I can see. This vitamin B-6, also, causes the nightmares to become more vivid. Please don't go crazy with the vitamin B-6 because there is a small printed warning at the bottom of the article. It says too much of it can cause insomnia, as well as heart palpitations, cramps, high blood pressure, and panic attacks. OMG!!!!
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